SyFy and Late Night Shark Attacks

Over recent years, the Syfy Channel's late night monster movies have become something of an urban legend, rising to the surface, the cult of good/bad films. These are of course the films that are not only terrible, they are great at being terrible. They relish in their terrible ways, with horror bordering on slapstick, ridiculous female body shots and excruciating acting. These films are made by committees, with specially chosen writers and actors that have become experts in their field (Asylum Pictures is often the proud perpetrator).

Do not expect a second of quality from this genre. It is the pure essence of dreadful. However, there are times when we may have a craving for something that is a bit bad for us, rather like ordering a deep fried burger while we have been doing well at Weightwatchers.

For some unknown reason, much of the more popular films focus on the jaws of the deep. Here are some of the more interesting shark attack flicks that Syfy have graciously bestowed on us.

1) The Megashark Series

This has included such classics as 'Megashark versus Giant Octopus', 'Megashark versus Crocosaurus' and more recently 'Megashark versus Mechashark'. It is essentially the chronicles of the world's biggest shark. Watch out how between scenes the shark seems to change its size, though its probably not something intentional.

Highlight: Megashark helping a 747 plane land into the ocean. Or rather jumping up and grabbing it in its jaws.

2) Sharktopus
The U.S. military fuses shark DNA with that of a giant octopus, creating the ultimate fighting creature. But what? It escapes? And they can't stop it as it rampages through town (even as it walks about on land)? Count us in.

Highlight: After two ship workers have a badly written discussion on how they would like to die, a tentacle reaches out of the water and pulls one down, who screams "Oh no, not like this!"

3) Sharknado
When the title was announced, the hype grew to such colossal measure that they quickly greenlit a sequel. A vicious storm hits land just as a large number of sharks swim to the shore, resulting in tornadoes that literally throw the animals at the terrified people below. Good job our heroes find a hardware store to find and build their own weaponry.

Highlight: The alpha male of the group slices open a flying shark with a chainsaw to the mouth. He must have been practicing for moments like that.

4) Two Headed Shark Attack
It's double the jaws, double the horror! The title tells you the whole plot, while the action involves creative ways for the shark to eat two things at the same time. Oh look, Carmen Electra!

Highlight: The shark rampaging through hordes of unlikable teens.

5) Ghost Shark
The motherload. A shark is mortally wounded, but brought back to life as a ghost that can appear anywhere there is water. This includes swimming pools, fire hydrants, even a drink cup. I always thought drinking too much water was bad for you...Our heroes must keep dry while seeking supernatural help from a local drunk to send the beast back to the afterlife.

Highlight: Too many to mention, but particular kudos goes to a scene involving a painful trip to the toilet.

On a final note: When my wife found out about Sharknado, she misheard the name and called it Sharkpedo, thinking it was about a maniac who shoots sharks from a torpedo. It actually sounds like she is on to something - Asylum, are you listening? Although the name 'Sharkpedo' does sound more like a film about a shark fetish...